I know what you're up to. Looking around, jotting down notes, taking sips of your coffee to seem inconspicuous. I don't know what to feel now that you've chosen me to be the subject of your observational research paper. I may be flattered. Yes, quite possibly.
But since I'm in a shitty mood all I want to say is, "That espresso mug is the perfect shape to stimulate your prostate. You mark that shit down."