April 20, 2010

Zombie life...

I'm guessing this is the closest thing to being a zombie that any person can get. Or at least in my case. I'm sure someone with an incurable disease which drains them of all energy and emotion and logical thinking could beat me on this. But I'm just sayin'...

I haven't slept in four days. I'm to the point where I'm sitting at work, wide awake, and everything is moving in slow motion and my senses are like woah.

I could smell a girl walk by my desk (and it wasn't because she was wearing a two and half gallons of dollar store Diamond perfume; I can smell like a zombie now - picking up the trail of unknowing victims from several feet, maybe even yards, away).

Now that my limbs are immobile and basically broken in every way, I can finally do the perfect pimp walk, or swaga, or whatever the fuck it's called. Now I'm just waiting for "The Stanky Leg" to play on the radio. It won't be my zombie theme song, but it will still make for an awesome post-apocalyptic YouTube video.

My lust for stuff has grown exponentially. Sure, today I'm craving Asian meat, or maybe Canadian, but for some reason I really want to go to the mall. Just to walk around. And try on clothes. And snatch all the movies I've always wanted. And have endless shoe days. And finally raid the Clinique counter. Then I'll chase people who thought that going to the mall during an apocalypse would be a good idea.** Mmmmm... look at that mall cop. That Asian mall cop. Time for tasty digs.

No, no, I'm not a zombie. But I have all of these zombie qualities. Then, tonight, when I pass out and, essentially, die on my bed for 12 hours, I will become living again.

Bummer...

**if you don't know what AWESOME movie(s) I'm referencing, by all means, increase your zombie film viewing habits to at least three a week. You'll figure it out eventually.

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