There are things people search for in life. Happiness, wealth, a great career, a washer and dryer set that doesn't rip buttons off your favorite military jacket; all the things that make our lives complete. And at the top of this list is the biggest damn cliche of all damn cliches - the four letter word to pawn all four letter words - love.
Yes, bitches. I'm talking about love. I will now give you a thirty second break to go vomit in your toilet.
I firmly believe that everyone wants to find love. Even people like me, who say they are okay being single because 'I hate everyone.' In any case, I'm a fucking liar. Of course I want love. I want to love and be loved. And don't be a smart ass - I love my dog and she loves me (possibly too much) but that's not the same fucking thing.
I want to wake up next to someone and look into their eyes and know them and know that they know me and GOD DAMN IT I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT. I will now allow myself a thirty second break to chug a glass of cheap strawberry champagne.
What is the deal with love anyway? Is it in our nature or did I just watch the entire series of Sex and the City too many times?
I think my recent (as in last thirty minute) obsession with the idea of love stems from the fact that I am lonely. Not in a "woe is me" sort of way, but in a factual way. I am alone. I can be at a bar with my family, at a potluck with 20 friends, or making gingerbread houses with my BFF and still feel as though I'm on my own in life. It doesn't make me sad, it just makes me wonder what I'm missing, which in turn makes me want it even more.
I think this might be because I'm just a loner. And yes, there's a difference between someone who is a loner and someone who is lonely. Sometimes, though, loners can get lost on their own path. I think, perhaps, that I don't mind being lonely because I keep hoping that someone will trip and fall, bruised and broken, onto my path and we can fix each other. Make each other happy. Make each other complete.
And yes, I just projectile vomited all over my cat.
So, am I onto something here or am I just kidding myself? The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I have never been in love. Well, here's hoping. God damn it.