January 25, 2011

Gender math...

People ask me my gender identity all the time. Which is fine. I don't mind. In fact, this is what I now copy and past into e-mails and Facebook messages:

I suppose I became comfortable with my gender when I was able to separate my biology, expression, and identity from one another.

Biologically I'm male, which doesn't "match" my preferably feminine expression, so I used to think that changing the former would make me more comfortable with the latter. However, that was rather troublesome since I had no real ambivalence towards my sex organs. If fact, I rather enjoy my junk and don't want to be rid of it at all. So, I began to think of gender as a spectrum instead of separate and opposite binaries.

Then I struggled to find a point on that spectrum which I could label as my "gender identity". This is basically impossible since my gender expression is always the same and my biology is constant. It's like a math equation: if one variable in the equation keeps changing while the other stay the same, the answer will always be different. Thus, gender is fluid, and I don't try to label it anymore.

I tell a much shorter and less eloquent version when I'm at a bar and incapacitated, which is probably where I get asked the most. So now I'm just going to right this equation on slightly stained drink napkins:

x + y = z (where x is biological sex, y is gender expression, and z is gender identity)
x + 4y = f (where x is biological sex, 4y is a pair of 4-inch heels, and f is fabulous)

My y is always changing. Can't help it. And I'm fine with my equations never exactly balancing out.


  1. I love that you are fabulous far beyond the capacity of labels or identities!

  2. Can I say after reading this post and a few more that I love you so much more than I did in high school when everything was weird and awkward and our school seemed to avoid the people we hung out with because I will say everyone there was very unique sexually, visually, and mentally. But seriously...I am so in love with you now. I will say that I might just become one of your many stalkers! Boy....girl...sexy beast...you are friggin awesome ok? Thats all I gotta say...for now... P.S. if you hadnt noticed this is Samantha aka the giant tall freak that was always with Leigh Ann at James Kenan ....lol LOVES!!

  3. I am not so sure I could have said it any better. I went through the same frustrations but fortunately for you it seems you have figured most of it out for yourself at a much younger age than myself. I have some theories about androgyny and clothing myself.

  4. I love this. Amazingly simple.


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