A few years ago I took my first, and as it turns out my only, creative writing class. I was super excited, because I had tried since freshman year to get in but it was always full. I was also terrified, because any "creative" writing I had ever done was never seen by anyone except my dog, and she had to sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Our first assignment was to write about a memory we had. It only took me about 3.4 seconds before I had my topic. I would end up telling the story of how my family went on vacation to the Outer Banks, rode a ferry, and I got shit on by a bird while pretending to be Kate Winslet, spreading her arms wide at the bow of the RMS Titanic. It was witty, it was cute, and my professor said it reminded him of David Sedaris, at which point I exploded.
The thing is, even though everyone loved it, I wasn't satisfied with it at all. I've tried endlessly to extend it, insert more a more meaningful context, make it more believable (even though it's true), etc., and can never end up with something I'm satisfied with. I even published it on my blog for about three hours before deleting it in shame.
When it comes to writing, why is nothing ever good enough for me? In real life I don't give a flying frying pan what people think. But get me in a room (or, *ahem*, the entire internet) full of other creative people who express themselves in ways similar as I do, and I just can't take it.
I care. I care a lot. I don't want to seem fake. I don't want to seem like I don't care. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to hard. I don't want to seem lazy. I don't want to seem like I'm copying someone's style. I don't want to seem too different. Does this wording sound pretentious? Does this sound like I'm trying way too hard to be funny? Does this comma make the sentence look too fat?
I've asked myself all of these questions. And here's another: As someone who considers themselves, in any way, a writer, of any sort, how and when do you get over the bull shit and just do you?