May 19, 2012

Is writing worth it?

Earlier this week I asked myself a silly question:

"Is writing worth it?"

Not even half a second later I screamed at the top of my lungs "OF COURSE IT IS!" making the mother and small child sitting next to me on the train quite uncomfortable.

But how did such a question even penetrate my psyche?

Two weeks ago I auditioned for a YouTube collaboration channel called Androgenetics, which I've been watching for nearly a year.  Five androgynous boys from all over the world making videos every single day - who the fuck wouldn't watch that?  I made a video about my version of a perfect day, which included my mother and I reading the latest issue of Garden & Gun, and got the part.  Now I'm officially the new Thursday, and it feels amazing.

The strange thing is that now I have an audience that I've never had before.  I may or may not have shit my pants when I glanced at my blog stats and had over two thousand views in one day, which is more than I usually have in an entire month.  I thought:

"Why not just put all of my energy into making videos?  I've gotten more views in a few days than I have in 4 years of blogging.  Is writing worth it?"

I already told you about the involuntary word vomit that issued, and I really hope that little girl doesn't have to get a hearing aid fitted.

For anyone who writes - whether it be for The New York Times or in your diary every night - expressing your thoughts in words is something you can't live without.  You can certainly take breaks from it, or be too busy to sit down and write anything at length, but even when you're not physically writing, you're writing in your head.  You're forming sentences and picking out the perfect turns of words and trying really fucking hard to remember that synonym for "two weeks"* that would look really good in a particular phrase.


Eventually you just end up back in front of your computer staring at an empty Word document at 2 am, ready to explode.

So the truth is, I will make more videos.  But this blog will never die.  I will never stop writing and sharing my limited vocabulary and wallowing in my inability to properly proofread.

To all the new readers - I give you the biggest virtual hug of welcome!  To those who've been reading for years - you'll get the first signed copies of my book (because that's totes happening).

xo

*fortnight

13 comments:

  1. And a huge hug back to you! You are an inspiration, and such a fun person to learn about, if that makes any sort of sense. I raise my goblet to you. And it's kind of an amazing goblet.

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  2. I drive myself crazy. I don't sleep, I pace, I jot down notes and throw them out, and type sentences and erase and I scream in frustration. But there is nothing else i can do. I cannot be happy any other way. My mentor told me, that all these things are how I know that I am a real writer. And sometimes it crosses my mind " is writing worth it?" I think maybe I should look for some new passion, some new outlet. And in a half-second I realize that not only is it worth it, but it is everything I am. I know nothing beyond it or separate from it. I will take the agony and with it the intense pleasure.

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  3. JASON!

    Can I just say... I am both shocked and appalled that I am unable to add you on Facebook!

    This is completely ridiculous, and needs to be addressed swiftly.

    Basically, I found you on YouTube really rather recently actually, and have been very impressed by how well you've been doing - making a name for yourself, creating videos etc etc.

    I'm a 21 year old (somewhat adrogynous) male, by the way, in case you think I'm some 90 year old perv writing to you with some icky agenda, haha! Nah. Not quite my style.

    So yes... tell me how I can get chatting to you, because you're on the same wavelength as me (maybe a tad crazier), and I would love to hear about how you've been finding your newfound life in the Big Apple!

    Yours,
    Mattie

    xXx

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  4. Hey Baby, Never quit writing. I get the 1st book...maybe??? I'm so proud of you. Take care, be careful, and be yourself. Love you always. nh

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  5. I AM GLAD TO HEAR THIS. I have just started reading this blog (only discovered you because of androgenetics), so I'd be majorly disappointed if you stopped writing your blog now! thanks for this post, I've recently been questioning if writing is worth it too. don't care about being a cringe, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME.

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  6. oh no that sounds like I meant YOU were a cringe. But I meant me. DOUBLE CRINGE. cringe irony. oh lord the cringe.

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  7. haha yes! fortnight fortnight fortnight. you're a great writer. i am in awe of your intelligence, wit, style and observations. glad i found you
    xx
    fingertips

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  8. I think the fact that you write so eloquently and that words are obviously so precious to you is one of the things that is most endearing about you. I, too, discovered you via Angrogenetics and am extremely pleased to see you as an addition to the channel; but I would happily never watch another video of you on the channel if I had to decide between glimpses at your thoughts here and seeing you there. This forum just feels so much more thought-full and intimate. Thank you for sharing...both here and on AG.

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  9. I never knew you existed before the androgenetics auditions (which I took too seriously for my own good). I saw your first audition and automatically demanded to the Universe that you win (I get kinda pushy like that). I have been reading your blogs thanks to your "shameless self promotion" (LMAO the first time I heard it!) and I must admit I love it (even more than excessively using parentheses when writing)!!!

    Thank you for being my new reason to love Thursdays.

    Janet Perez (electric_mariposa)

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  10. OK, I stumbled upon you on YouTube and fell instantly into adoration for you. I would also slit someone's throat to have your eyes as my own, but since you need them, that will never happen.

    When I was your age (like, a thousand years ago)I also wondered if writing was worth it. What did it matter that I was writing all these stories? It wasn't like anyone would read them, right? Well, a few years later I wrote a book. My significant other had encouraged me to follow my dream, so when that book was finished I sent it out to publishers. Guess what happened?

    A publisher bought it! Now, centuries later, I write for a living. I don't just mean I pay for groceries with my income. Last year I made... well, a lot. I won't be gauche and get into numbers.

    Anyway, writing is worth it! And someone with such a wonderful gift of story telling/performing as you have should definitely pursue the dream if writing is important to you!

    Hugs!

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  11. a question yet unanswered for my own writing: "oh dear god. am i stuck in a rut...or is this just my STYLE?"

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  12. I am so glad you have made a point to never give up writing!

    I wish you success and happiness. :*

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  13. Steph Corvetto6/18/12, 1:51 PM

    Limited vocabulary my ass!!! You are a word putter-together genious.. ;) x's and o's

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Speak your mind! *muah*