Earlier this week I asked myself a silly question:
"Is writing worth it?"
Not even half a second later I screamed at the top of my lungs "OF COURSE IT IS!" making the mother and small child sitting next to me on the train quite uncomfortable.
But how did such a question even penetrate my psyche?
Two weeks ago I auditioned for a YouTube collaboration channel called Androgenetics, which I've been watching for nearly a year. Five androgynous boys from all over the world making videos every single day - who the fuck wouldn't watch that? I made a video about my version of a perfect day, which included my mother and I reading the latest issue of Garden & Gun, and got the part. Now I'm officially the new Thursday, and it feels amazing.
The strange thing is that now I have an audience that I've never had before. I may or may not have shit my pants when I glanced at my blog stats and had over two thousand views in one day, which is more than I usually have in an entire month. I thought:
"Why not just put all of my energy into making videos? I've gotten more views in a few days than I have in 4 years of blogging. Is writing worth it?"
I already told you about the involuntary word vomit that issued, and I really hope that little girl doesn't have to get a hearing aid fitted.
For anyone who writes - whether it be for The New York Times or in your diary every night - expressing your thoughts in words is something you can't live without. You can certainly take breaks from it, or be too busy to sit down and write anything at length, but even when you're not physically writing, you're writing in your head. You're forming sentences and picking out the perfect turns of words and trying really fucking hard to remember that synonym for "two weeks"* that would look really good in a particular phrase.
Eventually you just end up back in front of your computer staring at an empty Word document at 2 am, ready to explode.
So the truth is, I will make more videos. But this blog will never die. I will never stop writing and sharing my limited vocabulary and wallowing in my inability to properly proofread.
To all the new readers - I give you the biggest virtual hug of welcome! To those who've been reading for years - you'll get the first signed copies of my book (because that's totes happening).