September 28, 2012

Fashion. Seriously?

Fashion is a precarious obsession. I’ve admired it from afar by pouring over the glossies in Barnes and Noble or perusing for hours on end,  and I've even dipped my toes into the “scene” by attending a tres chic boutique opening or two.

But I began second-guessing my love for fashion when I met a few dozen of the die-hard, super-trendy fashion fanatics that flock to New York City in droves, and who live by the “rules” I hitherto thought were legitimate jokes (i.e. wearing only what’s in season, not wearing white after labor day [I wish I was kidding.], etc.). In my opinion, the only thing fashion-related that needs to be taken seriously is making sure your ass hair and/or tampon string isn’t hanging out of your bikini bottom before starting a game of beach volleyball (that goes for both men and women). Otherwise, have a fucking ball.

There are things in this world, of course, that I’d rather not see. Like fields of perfectly-formed cellulite protruding from the contracted thighs of a proud BBW wearing spandex on the subway, or the fungi-infested toenail of an 80-year-old man that appears to have been dipped in a pot of yellow curry before he put on his Croc-flops. But me telling either of those people “what not to wear” is rowin’ up the creek in the same paddle boat as someone telling me that I shouldn’t be wearing a pair of metallic gold leggings on my head - a claim which is absolutely absurd, because WHAT THE HELL ELSE WOULD I BE WEARING???

Here are some stylish people who don't give a flying pig's ear what you think!
Aelita, Queen of Mars,
 Anna Piaggi, Carmen Miranda

Style, you see, is a personal quest. Outside inspiration is welcome (HELLO RUNWAY SHOWS), but outside intervention, unless asked for, is less than vital. It should be an exercise in expression, not a practice of imitation or de rigueur.

 This is where fashion and the fashion industry make a swift divide. The “art” of creating and styling clothes (which, as pretentious as it sounds, does exist), is lost among the commercial drive to sell millions of copies of the same skirt in department stores all over the world.

All that being said, I will forever love watching Fashion Police.

The lesson here is that taking fashion too seriously is like yelling at the kid behind the counter at Whole Foods that he’s scooping your potato salad incorrectly (and no, I never figured out how to do it right) – there are, or rather should be, more important things in your life.

So, in the spirit of not taking fashion too seriously, put a pair of leggings on your head. Shop in the old-lady section from time to time. Wear things not made for your gender.  Be tacky. Look ridiculous. And when all that becomes just a little too much, a t-shirt and jeans never hurt anyone. Eventually you’ll find some sort of middle ground that is intrinsically “you”.  And if that "you" ends up looking like a gay space cowboy from the Amazon or a modest comic nerd from Wisconsin, work it.


  1. Love it!!! I especially like the Carmen Miranda love :)

  2. Dylan A. Kent said....

    True. Look at Toulouse Lautrec in Japanese kimono. Way ahead of his time. Who's to say?

    David Bowie wearing Kansai Yamamoto during the Ziggy Stardust/Alladin Sane era. And the slicked black leather look during the Berlin period.

    Klaus Nomi - need I say more?

    The paper dress! Mondrian! Andy Warhol.

    Oh god, I'm sounding like an episode of Ab Fab.

  3. happy happy article! I so agree with this...
    reminds me of the day I discovered local goth scene was more pretentious than I thought when I had some girl tell me my braids were out of fashion... I think I laughed manically at her before vanishing onto the dancefloor like a swirly headed mess. good times that I miss... =(

  4. I'm so with you on this, I never wanna wear what others are wearing or what others say is "in" style. I don't wanna have a sheep wardrobe that copies that of anyone else, because I am unique I'm not like anyone else. I hate to open a magazine or webpage on fashion and see a "who wore it better" pictorial among celebs, because usually in those circumstances all the person wearing that outfit is actually going for isn't the look it's wearing a name, they might as well have gone naked with just a designers name hanging around their neck. <3

  5. You did that with LEGGINGS?! I'm so impressed. You look incredible. Please come do mine. Thank you.

  6. Okay... I know this is a serious post and all (and I love what you wrote) but my mind is boggling that that is a pair of leggings on your head.


    Please show us how to do it!

    (And seriously great post, you've taken the words right out of my head, heart and mouth)



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