It's a new year, a new beginning... you know, that whole sack a' bananas. I've never been one for New Year's resolutions because having more than one short term goal gives me intense virtigo and I end up falling over in the shower (because the shower is my thinking space).
One goal in particular (which is in no way a "resolution" - it just happened to begin at midnight on January 1st, 2013) is to become one with my hair. Or at least get to know him. Or at at least be good acquaintances. OKAY FINE I introduced myself a few months ago and his ends promptly split... so we have some work to do.
My hair and I have alway been distant, separated by religious differences and an overenthusiastic scalp. My shower has seen every organic-sulfate-free-paraben-free-hydrating-fruit-filled shampoo ever made, and once, in complete desperation, I mushed a very ripe avocado into my epidermis (which didn't do much, but I had some decent guacamole afterwards). Defeated, with my Mane n' Tail between my legs, I went back to the tried-and-true method of Head & Shoulders every other day.
Benefits of such a routine include: no imaginary weave patting, that super clean feeling, and the ability to wear black. Drawbacks: the daily removal of oil put my scalp into a very bad mood. He developed an addiction to my cheap
About three weeks ago I invited our closest friends and family to talk with my scalp about the road he was headed down.
"There is nothing ahead of you but a life of every-other-day washes and hairdos that never last longer than nine hours," we said, tearful and in unison. "Is that really what you want out of life? We just can't watch you do that to yourself!"
"BUT YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!" my scalp screamed, collapsing to the ground.
We all broke down into a huddle on my bathroom floor, sobbed for a while, and proceeded to plan a rehabilitation schedule. I can now only wash my hair once a week. Which is difficult, since it's oily by the end of day one. Just to give you an idea of the oil factor I'm dealing with, once my brother made the following comment about the crude oil conflict between the US and the Middle East: "Gas would be really cheap if they just took all the oil out of your hair and turned it into fuel." Brotherly love at its best, ya'll.
Fast forward the better half of a month and my hair is now... different. It's obviously still dirty and gross by day three, but not as if I dunked my head into a can of bacon grease like before. It looks thicker, and my morning bedhead is ultra très chic. It's making the sexy-messy look I'm obsessed with seem much more achievable.
This begs the question: does all that not-cleaning-your-hair BS actually work?? Please detail your tragic experiences in the comments.
I'll give you an update after another two months of not